Sharna Burgess is a dancer, Dancing with the Stars coach, and current partner to Brian Austin Green. The couple welcomed their son, Zane, last summer. It was Brian’s fifth child but Sharna’s first. Since it’s her first, she’s going through the parent crash course, which can be terrifying, mainly for how fast it comes at you. Like most new moms, Sharna is posting things that have surprised her – both good and bad – about becoming a mom. Over the weekend, She posted an Instagram about something she’s calling “intrusive mom thoughts.” She talked of worrying about everything that could happen to Zane and how, as parents, caring for this human we love so much can be overwhelming.
Intrusive mom thoughts….
This is a real thing. Honestly I thought it was something wrong with my brain at first. These super dark thoughts of all the things that could go wrong. All the ways I or life could accidentally hurt my baby. Falling down stairs holding him, sickness, a car accident.. the list is long but I won’t share it. If you know you know. 5 months in and I still get them but I have learned to tame them and understand them and most of all.. realized I am not alone. That last one was a huge relief. I guess it makes sense too, we have this massive responsibility suddenly upon us when we leave that hospital… in a diaper.. sleep deprived, emotionally charged but also depleted, trying to piece ourselves back together and let’s not forget .. in pain. That new responsibility is filled with so much love, wonder and awe but nobody warns you about the equal amount of fear that now lives within you. It’s the most excruciating love you’ve ever felt and its overwhelming, at least for me it was. But now I have tools that I wanna share with all my mamas that may need it like I did/do.
1. Deep cleansing breaths taking in as much air as you can and hold as you say “I release all thoughts that do not serve me” then control that breathe out imagining those words and the feeling they bring leaving you. Repeat repeat
2. When I need a quicker fix I physically swipe my hand in front of my eyes and say “no” and imagine that image being destroyed and gone. I shake it off and call in a memory that I can’t wait to make with Zane. All of the firsts that he has coming.
These are just 2, and they help me tremendously so I hope that they help you too. I have more if you want me to share xx
You’re doing great mama, remember that 🤍
[From Instagram via People]
As I have said plenty of times, I was woefully unprepared for any of what came with being a parent. I know what Sharna is talking about. I didn’t consider them intrusive mom thoughts, although that’s a good name. I thought that was what parents were talking about when they got emphatic about how much they love their kid. I always assumed the love would be a Disney, heart-swelling with joy and warm love. But it’s an oppressive, heart-clenching, fearful love that has you watching Taken for notes. Unlike Sharna, I assumed every parent felt the same thing. I remember sharing one of my truly darker thoughts with a friend whose kid was the same age as mine. I prefaced it with, “do you ever worry that… “ and he looked at me, ashen, and said, “I will now!” I hate to break it to Sharna, but she sounds surprised to still be having these thoughts after 5 months. I’m on year 18. My mother is on year 60. Intrusive parent thoughts come in the Welcome Basket and never leave.
Sharna has many lovely posts about Zane and how much she’s enjoying him, of course. And there are plenty of happy, warm, joy-filling love moments too. She and Brian will spend their first holiday with Zane, that’s always magical. I’m trying to end this on a more positive note but come on, you know not to come to me about the joys of motherhood by now. The good thing is Sharna is aware these dark moments are invasive and she’s working to manage them. And it’s nice she offered some tips on how to deflect them. Let us know if those worked for you. Zane’s cute, too.
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Photo credit: Instagrama nd Getty Images
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