“It’s an age-old strategy: After a devastating loss, just say you won,” Stephen Colbert joked of Giuliani on Tuesday.
By Trish Bendix
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
New reports about former President Donald Trump’s last year in office allege that Rudy Giuliani, his personal lawyer, engaged in some bad behavior on election night.
“According to one new book, at the White House election night party, some people thought Rudy Giuliani may have been drinking too much. The other people were Rudy Giuliani,” Stephen Colbert joked on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”
“That’s right, Rudy was in rough shape on election night. He was slurring, sweating, confused — then he started drinking.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Reportedly, drunk Rudy asked, ‘What’s happening in Michigan?’ and they said it was too early to tell. ‘Just say we won,’ Giuliani told them, saying the same thing in Pennsylvania: ‘Just say we won Pennsylvania!’ God, Rudy must have been an annoying kid. You’re playing tag, you get him on the shoulder, but instead of just admitting it, he says ‘Nuh uh!’ at a press conference next to a dildo store.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Yeah, and if that didn’t work, Rudy’s other plan was for Trump to legally change his name to Joe Biden.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Campaign officials shot the idea down, but after Fox News called Arizona for Biden on election night, Giuliani advised the former president, ‘Just go declare victory right now. You’ve got to go declare victory now.’ It’s an age-old strategy: After a devastating loss, just say you won.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Vaccination Frustration Edition)
“The Biden administration has reportedly run out of ideas to encourage more people to get the coronavirus vaccine. Luckily, the virus is coming up with new ideas all the time.” — SETH MEYERS
“I’m vaccinated. It’s Johnson & Johnson, though. Aw, my bad. Johnson & Johnson — I thought it was like a small Black business. I don’t know no white folks named Johnson.” — ARSENIO HALL, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”
“I saw that tomorrow, Olivia Rodrigo is going to the White House. She’s going to team up with President Biden and Dr. Fauci to make videos about getting vaccinated. When his staff suggested bringing in popular musical artists, Biden was like, ‘Great idea. How about Glenn Miller or the Andrews Sisters?’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Amy Poehler joined Seth Meyers on “Late Night” for a new edition of “Really!?!” devoted to billionaires in space.
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
The comedian Phoebe Robinson is the guest host on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
Also, Check This Out
This year’s Emmy nominations include several firsts, including “Pose” star Mj Rodriguez as the first trans performer to be nominated in a leading acting category.
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