Making the decision to end a relationship can be tricky, and if you’re the one who wants to call it quits, figuring out how best to do it can be intimidating. What do you say? When do you say it? Do you suggest getting dinner first? It’s complicated, but if you’ve decided that ending things with a text message is the best way to handle it, then knowing how to break up with someone via text is super important. After all, according to experts, breaking up over text should probably be a last resort.
"I cringe every time I hear that someone got dumped in a text," online dating expert Julie Spira tells Elite Daily. "It’s a ‘drive-by breakup,’ and if someone doesn’t see it coming, it can be devastating for the person on the receiving end." Think about how you would feel if your partner dumped you via text. Probably not all that great.
"I would never recommend breaking up with someone over text," Erika Ettin, founder and CEO of A Little Nudge, tells Elite Daily. "If you’re in a relationship with someone, the text is not the appropriate means because it’s not a conversation — it’s one-sided." So really, try to refrain from ending a relationship via text unless it’s a more casual fling, or, of course, if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable having such a tense conversation with your partner IRL. If you must breakup via text, here are some general, expert-approved guidelines you can follow.
There is no easy way to send a breakup text, nor is there one perfect formula. "There’s no art in a breakup text, but depending on how long you were together as a couple can make the difference to what you should or shouldn’t say," Spira says. For instance, "If you’ve gone out for just a few dates and aren’t an official couple, I recommend that you start off with a compliment," she advises. "It’s a nicer way of saying, ‘It’s not you, it’s me,’ because no one really believes that line, and always knows it’s really because the dumper wasn’t feeling it."
Spira suggests the following: "Jane, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, and think you’d be a great partner for someone, but I don’t think we’re looking for the same thing, so I’m going to continue on my search, and wish you the best." Short, to the point, and decently kind. If you have to breakup via text, this is probably the best way to go about it.
Additionally, breaking up via text really isn’t necessarily the worst thing you can do if your relationship wasn’t all that serious. "If most of your communication was via text, it probably won’t come as a surprise that your breakup has a digital ending," Spira says. Also, "it’s worse when someone gets ghosted and has no clue as to why, and struggles without getting the closure they need," she adds. So if nothing else, a text message breakup is better than ghosting someone.
Still, be mindful about how you word things, as the experts recommend, and know that "the bottom line is you should treat people the way you want to be treated," as Spira advises. You wouldn’t want to be ghosted, but you also wouldn’t want to be dumped with an "It’s over" text. So find that happy medium, because you both deserve a respectful breakup.
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