How do I tell pub flirt that I am a trans woman but haven't had surgery yet?

DEAR DEIDRE: I MET a guy I really liked when I was sitting having a drink by myself in a pub. He came over to chat and was very nice.

He had been working locally on a short contract and I doubted I’d see him again after he had finished that – but he has kept in touch ever since.

He now says he wants to be with me. He is 27 and I am 24. We live a long way apart so can’t meet up often.

The difficulty is that I am a trans woman. I haven’t raised the subject with him, as I’ve not finished transitioning and the surgery yet.

He and I have become very intimate but how do I explain to him without driving him away? I really don’t want to lose him from my life.

DEIDRE SAYS: There is a good chance this guy suspects you are trans.

Pick a quiet moment – not an intimate one – to explain that you may not be exactly the person he thinks you are. His reaction should tell you a lot.

You can both find support through the Beaumont Society, a self-help organisation run by and for the trans community (, 01582 412220).

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