DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend has been cheating on me with men – and I found out through a car-tracking app.
We have been together for three years and have a baby girl. I’m a 31-year-old woman, he’s 33.
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Everything was fine until I bought a car. Soon after that he started to do things that made me suspicious.
I’d be at home looking after our daughter and he would come in from work and ask to use the car to do errands, such as buying beer from the supermarket.
He would be out for hours longer than he needed to be. Then he would come up with excuses — the queue was long, or he bumped into a friend.
One night I went through his phone and found flirty messages from other men asking when he’d come and visit them. I was so hurt.
I confronted him and he told me it was just “silly chat” and didn’t mean anything.
He said he’d done it because he was bored and finding it hard with a new baby, and promised to stop.
The messages did end. But a few months ago he started going out in the car again.
I knew he’d lie to me if I asked him, so I turned detective. I put our baby in the pushchair and used the car-tracking app to find his location.
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The first time, it took me to one of his friend’s houses. But the second night it logged the car at an area of a local park that is notorious as a place where gay men meet for sex.
Our car was parked there and through the open window I could see there was a semi-naked guy on top of my boyfriend. I was utterly shocked and I banged on the door.
He saw me and panicked, driving off as if I wanted to rob him. Later that night, he said it wasn’t him in the car and that someone else had borrowed it.
What can I do? He says he loves me, and the baby needs her dad.
DEIDRE SAYS: You have witnessed first-hand your boyfriend being intimate with another man. I can only imagine how betrayed and heartbroken you must feel.
If he loves you, he needs to be honest and own up.
My support packs on Being Unfaithful and on Being Gay may help him.
Put yourself and your child’s health and welfare first. And please get an STI check if you have had sex recently. My support pack on STIs will tell you more.
Do seek backing from family and friends. He can still be a good dad, even if you don’t stay together.
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