I'm scared my fiancé will dump me when he finds out I can't have kids

DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE met a great guy who I’m smitten with but I worry he will dump me when he discovers my secret. I can’t have children.

I’m a woman of 32 and widowed. My husband was 37 when he died playing football three years ago. He had a congenital heart defect nobody knew about.


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We had been through two rounds of IVF using his sperm but it wasn’t successful.

I was devastated to lose him but now I’m ready to move on.

I started chatting to a guy in the Army but he wanted a “friends with benefits” relationship, which wasn’t my style.

I am now sorted financially because two of my husband’s life policies paid out, but when I met a guy online who just wanted my money, I dumped him too.

I’ve since met a lovely guy. He’s a paramedic and I work in a hospital, so we have lots in common. He’s 34 and has never been married.

We’ve managed to keep things going despite the extra pressure at work caused by coronavirus.

He’s talked about wanting to settle down and having children but I’ve never had the heart to tell him it may never happen for me.

We went on holiday to Scotland last autumn and it was wonderful. On our final evening there, he proposed to me.

I love this guy with all my heart. When we manage to spend time together, we can’t keep our hands off one another.

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There is an electricity between us like no other relationship I’ve ever had.

I know I have to come clean sooner rather than later but I’ll feel so bad about telling him he may never be a dad.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You may not be able to have your own children biologically but you can still be parents.

What is important, though, is your relationship. You know this guy is good for you and he wants to marry you.

Tell him your worries before you tie the knot. You don’t know how he’s going to be until you broach the subject.

My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help you find the right words to tell him your concerns.

It may not be a deal-breaker. He might be fully supportive and open to other ideas of how you can be parents if conception is not likely.

Ask for additional help from Professor Robert Winston, who has set up a free online fertility advice service through the Genesis Research Trust (genesis researchtrust.com/askrobert).

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