Inside Goop’s Valentine’s Day gift guide: $77K earrings and 40 vibrators

This Valentine’s Day, Gwyneth Paltrow wants you to celebrate your V.

Goop just dropped a series of predictably extravagant gift guides ahead of the loved-up holiday, and they’ve got some real gems — literally, with picks including a $77,000 pair of chandelier earrings (final sale!) and a pendant necklace that doubles as a vibrator ($149, a comparative steal).

Speaking of sexy time, there are plenty of titillating toys on offer, too. In fact, Paltrow and co. included a whopping 40 different dildos, ranging from Kiki de Montparnasse’s sleek stainless steel wand ($150) to Dame Products’ hands-free “Eva II” model ($135). A vibe for any vibe, you might say.

Below, the Goopiest gifts from GP’s V-Day guides.

Vram Ruby Chrona Chandelier Earrings ($77,000)

Your bank account might be in the red after splurging on these rubies.

Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace ($149)

This buzzy, 24k gold-plated bauble comes approved by Carole Radziwill, too.

Glissant Sea Salt & Caramel Water-Based Lube ($55)

Finally, your cookie can taste like a cookie.

Kiki de Montparnasse Bow ($90)

In the words of Kanye West, let your presence be a present.

Goop x Heretic This Smells Like My Vagina Ceramic Air Freshener ($20)

Now your car can smell like your favorite vulva-inspired votive.

Alexis Steelwood Hand Carved Oak Hands ($95)

If you found yourself hot and bothered after watching “Cats,” grab these wooden claws and scratch that itch.

Nyssa VieVision Between Legs Mirror ($64)

Gaze in wonder at things down under.

Lelo Lyla 2 Vibrator ($159)

Brings new meaning to “working remotely.”

Edie Parker Rose Quartz Checkers ($1,895)

Checkers that cost your entire paycheck (or more).

Agent Provocateur Vanna Pasties ($110)

Get ready for a Midas-worthy wardrobe malfunction.

Kate McLeod The Sex Stone ($45)

Not to be confused with a vaginal egg — although don’t worry, the V-Day gift guide’s got those, too — this external-only “sensual moisturizer” stone is meant to make massage time even more, well, goopy.

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