My girlfriend blamed her infidelity on my minor drug relapse

DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend had sex with somebody half her age then blamed her infidelity on a minor drug relapse I had.

She said I deserved it because I had let her down.


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It was a slap in the face because I have been clean for five years. I admit I made a mistake after taking strong sedatives but that was a one-off.

I’m a man of 47 and she is 45. We have been together for seven years but when we met, I had a big drink and drug problem.

She saved my life. I met her through a friend when I was evicted from my home and was sofa-surfing with various pals.

We formed a great bond. We saw one another every day for a couple of months.

She was amazing but the drugs and alcohol were a crutch for me.

She told me she loved me and wanted to look after me. She paid for my rehab and when I came out, I got my own flat and was a changed man.

But after losing my mum recently I hit rock-bottom. My brother knew how down I was and offered me a couple of strong sleeping pills — Temazepam.

I didn’t hide what I was doing and took them in front of my girlfriend.

It was so good to sleep properly that night. But she was convinced my addiction was back.

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She called the next morning and said: “There’s no easy way to tell you — I’ve cheated.” I was gobsmacked.

She admitted having sex with the son of one of her friends. He’s 23. She said she did it to pay me back for taking drugs.

I can’t believe she would do this to me but she said our relationship seemed to be going nowhere and if I didn’t ask her to move in with me, we were over.

I don’t know where to go from here.

DEIDRE SAYS: First of all, she must listen to your very plausible explanation.

Explain that you were feeling low but nothing is going to take you back to that dark place you were in before. You have come too far for that.

She can’t blackmail you and force you to invite her to move in unless that is what you want.

Saying she cheated because your relationship was lacking in some way is no excuse.

She has broken the trust and it will take a while for her to convince you that you have a future together – and convince you she must.

My support packs on bereavement and cheating will help you find emotional support on both counts.

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