DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has cheated on me with escorts and many other women throughout six years of marriage. But it’s his latest affair — an emotional one — that hurts the most.
Not long after we married, I found escort and dating sites on our family computer with his profile, saying he was “looking for friends with benefits”.
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He wasn’t tech-savvy enough to remove the history.
I grabbed his phone when he was in the shower and found a message from a woman saying, “Next time we meet, bring condoms.”
When I confronted him, he begged me not to do anything. He said this woman was just a friend and he hadn’t slept with her.
Things were better for a time. Now we have two kids and we both have full-time jobs, so I’ll admit there isn’t much time to be a couple.
My little girl was diagnosed with chickenpox last week, so I asked my husband to stay home with her as I had a big meeting at work.
He seemed grumpy about it. Moments later a text came through to me saying, “Sorry babe, I can’t make lunch. I have to look after my kid.” It clearly wasn’t for me.
I walked through to my husband, raging. He looked at his phone and went red — and I demanded he hand it over.
He swore on our kids’ lives that this lunch date was with “a friend”. When I checked, he’d discussed our marital problems and his debts — all news to me.
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This woman had the barefaced cheek to tell him what to do about me and I don’t even know her.
Then I saw bookings with escorts, too. He was in tears, saying he didn’t mean to hurt me.
I feel our marriage has been a sham. I do want us to recover but I’m not sure how I can get him to remain faithful.
He’s begging me to try but I’m not sure what to do. He’s 39 and I’m 37.
DEIDRE SAYS: He can’t just say sorry and expect your relationship to continue as before.
And you can’t keep turning a blind eye every time he strays.
Understanding why he cheats will help as much as anything. One affair signals something is wrong with the relationship but repeated affairs tend to indicate unresolved issues within the individual.
Having children isn’t a reason for your relationship to suffer.
You must make time for one another and remember why you are a couple. Date nights and weekends away with no kids can all help.
You can both find support through tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960) who have online help available.
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